Swift and Abundant

6 Month Anniversary!!!

I was going to write another post talking more about the 24 hour show but then I thought I would go back and recalculate how long it has been since I quit smoking.  And low and behold…today is actually my 6 month anniversary!  Yes, I quit smoking on May 12th and today is November 12th.  180something days without a cigarette.  Those of you who have followed this blog know that I have had 2 infractions.  One night I took several drags off a cigarette and another night I probably smoked the equivalent of half a cigarette over the course of several hours.  But other than that, 6 long, hard months without a cigarette.

Those of you who read this blog also know that at times I have been hard on myself for not accomplishing that much this year.  Sunday was my birthday (32 fucking years old, hard to believe) and Kevin Gottlieb left this message on my facebook wall where he congratulated me on a productive year.

I thought about this and realized that I have been very productive this year.  I think its easy for me to lose sight of it because week in and week out it seems like the same old thing, rehearsals, shows, rehearsals, shows, but when you add it all up, its pretty impressive. 

1.  House team for the 3rd year in a row.  Performing and rehearsing every week.  I haven’t been too bad about missing shows either. 

2.  Sitcom.  We put episode 2 up on its feet in February and then did a run of 1, 2 and 3 in July and now are putting up episode 4 next Monday. 

3.  Made 2 videos for commercial contests.  Neither of them won or place but they were fun experiences, good videos and great footage for the reel.

4.  Produced and performed in the 24 hour show.  I think doing this made me realize that Kevin was right.  It took something amazing and different like that to make me realize how much I have done.

5.  Quit smoking!

I guess I get down on myself because despite all the performing and rehearsing, there hasn’t been a “breakthrough” for me yet.  There has yet to be a show where some casting director came up to me afterwards and wanted to put me in their new show or commercial.  And I haven’t auditioned in a long time.  I like my job well enough and honestly the life I live is pretty fucking sweet, but man oh man I want to get cast in a commercial and make a couple of grand or get some under 5 on 30 Rock or Law and Order.  I know that my life won’t be set after that happens, but it would just be nice, you know?  Its the hardest thing about being an actor/comedian/writer/artist.  Yes, we all know that you aren’t supposed to really let this affect you.  That its not about success but about your art.  Everyone is on their own path, yada yada yada.  But at a certain point you want to be validated for what you do.  I feel validated a lot by my peers.  They respect me (I think) and I get laughs (sometimes) when I go out and perform.  But when you meet a stranger and tell them your a comedian and actor and they ask you what you have been on, saying you do a weekly show for 3 years at a 50 seat theater, it doesn’t sound that good.  And I don’t need that person’s approval to keep me going, but that person’s approval would be nice.  Plus, there’s just the practical aspect of how much money and time over the years I have put into this.  At some point you want to start getting that back.

Oh well.  What can I really do except keep plugging away, keep working to get better, keep setting goals for myself.  And I think that is what has been sort of lacking this year.  Ive done all these things but I have been kind of goalless as far as my actual career goes.  I know Im not going to give up.  Im past the point of giving up.  But some real, tangible goals need to be set. 

I feel like Ive written this post 5 or 6 times.  But I have to repeat it to myself. 

In the meantime, Im going to pat myself on the back for a productive year.  A year where I quit smoking.  6 months.  The time has flown by.  Jen Curran wrote in her blog once about the idea that you have to go after things because whether you go after them or not, the time will pass.  Every second it passes.  So get going.

And I gotta write that episode of The Sitcom like I promised I would.  That first scene has been sitting on my desk for weeks now.

Its All Toilet Paper

So the 24 hour improv show with Tomahawk is over.  An idea I had several years ago came to fruition.  It was an amazing experience, as close to a religious experience that I have ever experienced in my life.  When it was over, I was exhausted but giddy, I felt a strange peace and serenity over everything.

Now, a few days after the fact, I’m still at awe that we did this.  Im itching to do it again some day too.  More because this performance was the best barometer of my performance ability and I want to get better.

Part of the reason I chose to do this was because I wanted to push myself as a performer and also I wanted to get in a ton of performance time in a short period of time.  We calculated that we did the equivlanet of 72 wednesday night shows in one 24 hour period.  So what did I learn?

1.  I need to be more consistent.  I had some great moments and also some really bad ones.  What was cool was that having a bad scene or set didn’t matter at all cause there was one right after it.  But I look at Marshall York.  Marshall was very even keeled and consistent throughout the whole event, whereas I felt like I had a lot of peaks and valleys.  I knew this about me beforehand but it was driven home much more.

2.  I should take some voice lessons.  People always compliment me on my voice and I have a pretty decent singing voice.  And its understandable that my voice would be shot by the end of this, but the last 5 hours I was really horse.  If we did this again and I was able to sustain my voice throughout, that would be awesome.

3.  In general I still need to get my body in better shape and find ways to give myself more energy.  I did not take a single nap during the event and of course I was going to be tired, but that late afternoon stretch (From like 2pm to 6pm) almost killed me.  Im 32, so Im not a spring chicken but I think I could have had more energy.

4.  Learn better how to conserve energy.  Of course, its hard not to laugh in a set when something happens but all that laughter helped wear me down.  I can be incredibly physical on stage when I want to be and I love playing that way, but it would have been impossible to play that way the whole time.  I guess this is similar to the last revelation.

5. I should definitely keep practicing the piano.  Im not that good but Ive been practicing a lot the last few months and it came in really handy during the run.  If I did not have an idea to add to a scene or set, I could always start playing the piano and provide some background music.  And I think I surprised a lot of people with how much I played that piano.  But now I need to learn some basics…blues, jazz, rock, waltzes..some classic songs, etc.  It adds such a nice element to a show and if I was good enough that people want to use my services, it would be another way to possibly make some money doing improv.

6. It takes a lot to get the word “no” completely out of your system.  Maybe some of this was being tired but even after doing it for hours on end, I still found myself having moments where I was denying myself and saying no.

7.  You just have to put something out there and trust it.  And there are no mistakes.  Again, basic improv “rules” but they were driven home a lot doing that much improv in a day.

I’ll stop at 7 even though there were a lot more.

Hulu won't be free for long

I read yesterday that Hulu at some point in the near future is going to start charging for their services.  This made me so sad and angry but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  Im thinking they will only charge for certain shows like the new ones on the major networks or whatever.  But still, its a bummer.

So I thought in honor of this horrible news, I would post a list for all of my readers of free stuff on Hulu that I have enjoyed since I started watching it.  This year especially I have taken advantage of Hulu.  I don’t have a tv and Ive been broke a lot of this year, so its a marriage in heaven.  And since I quit smoking, I think its been a way to distract me from that.  So here is my list of my hulu favorites…

House on Haunted Hill.  The original with Vincent Price.  I just watched this the other night and its great.  A great B movie horror classic.  Made in the 50s Im assuming.  Not really scary of course but I imagine back in the day it was scary for that audience.

Richard Pryor.  Not sure of the exact title here but I also just watched this stand up set and its amazing.  From the early 80s after he quit drinking and doing drugs and its filmed in New Orleans, which is really cool the way he interacts with the raucous audience.

The Future of Food.  Eye opening documentary about Montsanto, genetically engineered crops and the future of our food supply.  This movie will give you nightmares though.  Its scary real stuff they are talking about and kind of sad too.  But eye opening and since Im all about vegetarianism and health these days, I think it gave me some good ammo.

The Fearless Freaks.  Documentary about The Flaming Lips.  Nuff said.  I actually am not that big into The Flaming Lips mainly because I haven’t really gotten the chance to listen to a lot of their stuff.  But I know they are good and cool and this documentary talks about their whole journey as a band.  Lots of old concert footage too.

Before The Music Died.  Documentary about the modern music industry and ClearChannel.  Also scary and sad but a lot of great music footage and interviews with good musicians.

Barney Miller.  Classis late 70s/early 80s police sitcom.  Yes, a sitcom that takes place in a police station.  Great acting and writing and cast.  Really a treat if you are a comedy fan/student

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  Yup, its on here (for now).  Ive all ready seen this movie like ten times but I can always watch it again.

Dawn of the Dead.  The remake.  Pretty good I thought.  More action than horror and its very much a stereotypical zombie film.  Opening is tight as hell and I loved the ending too.  Though the credits kind of bugged me.

Last Temptation of Christ.  I had this listed on an earlier blog post about recent movies I had watched.  Yeah, buried on Hulu in the movies section.   I remember when I was a kid and how much controversy this movie caused when it came out.  I don’t think its that shocking but then again, I don’t think Jesus is a super hero.

SlaughterHouse Five.  60s movie version.  I enjoyed it a lot.

That’s all I got for now.  I’ll try to think of some more and create another list.  I exclude The Office, Daily Show…the obvious ones.  Those are probably what they are going to charge for anyways.  These are more of the hidden gems.  And there are a lot.  Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, anyone?

Dancing in the Dark? But the lights are all on.

I saw Springsteen Thursday night with a bunch of friends from Blue Man.  It was my friend Nayon’s birthday and a bunch of us went.   I won’t go into a play by play analysis of his concert, but I will just say this.  I get it now.  They played for over 3 hours and didn’t stop at all between songs really to talk or banter.  And its Giant’s Stadium in New Jersey.  All of the people there, this is the music that speaks to them the most.  And Bruce is their preacher.  It was pretty cool.  I would see him again definitely.

But there was one moment near the end that was weird.  So he played all these songs.  And they had these big stadium lights that come on.  When they are on, its totally light even though its the night.  This is what they have on when the Giants play a home game at night.  Anyways, the show started and they were on.  But after the first song, they turned them off for the entire concert.  They brought them up again for Born to Run and I remember while I was totally into that song, I kind of wished they had kept those lights off.  But whatever, its his biggest hit and they wanted everyone to sing along and see each other.  So it was kind of cool.

Then I think his next to last song was Dancing in the Dark.  Now that is total 80s Springsteen and a lot of hardcore fans hate that song.  But whatever.  I remember the video and Courtney Cox jumping up on stage and by this point Im twisted enough to find it ironically funny to sing along to this song.  And he had played for soo long and the show was so good that I was digging the choice of this song to be near the end.

Except that they turned on those huge lights again that light up the whole freakin’ stadium.  Some people are still oblivious and are just singing along, but I notice that the vibe is just a little off.  Hmm.  Maybe its because the song is titled “Dancing in the Dark” but the lights are on?  Shouldn’t the lights be off so that all 40,000 plus people can be doing what the song talks about?  No, I don’t mean sex, which I know its a metaphor for, but I mean, really dancing in the dark?  It felt like they were trying to tell us the concert was almost over and that’s why they had the lights on.

But that’ stupid.  If you turn them all on at the end when its over, everyone will know its over and leave.  And the concert was not as packed as U2.  It was much easier to leave this concert than cause there were probably like 10,000 or so less people.

It didn’t ruin my concert experience but it did make the end to an otherwise fantastic show a little off.  And as my fellow performers and writers out there all know, the end’s the most important part.

Confession

OK.  So Ive been a little dishonest on this blog.  Well, its a minor infraction really.  And it happened a few weeks back.  But I did take 2 drags off of a cigarette late at night one night when I was really drunk.  I know!  It was the first official infraction.  I did take hits off a hooka back in August but most of that was not tobacco, so I didn’t count that.  But this infraction a few weeks back was definitely drags from a cigarette.  I was so mad at myself the next day and worried that it was the start of me smoking, that I didn’t even want to talk about it on my blog until some time had passed and I knew the danger was gone.  I think it was just a random thing.

Actually, what is weird or not that weird really is that I got really sick a few days later.  And I definitely started to notice it in my throat the next day.  Seriously, I took a few drags off a cigarette and the next day I had the beginnings of a sore throat and a cough which led to me getting sick a few days later.  Was it because of those drags?  I remember that week was the week I got back from vacation.  And I went out every night and then worked out 3 days in a row in an attempt to redeem myself but I maybe pushed myself too hard.  So it could have also been that.  But I like to think (because it will keep me from smoking) that I got sick because my body found it so disgusting to smoke again.  This is what Im telling myself as further motivation not to smoke.  Ive made it this far.  I can’t regress back to smoking again. 

Tonight I see Springsteen in concert.  Second Giants stadium concert in 3 weeks.  Im not the biggest Springsteen fan but he’s one of those people that you have to see in concert if the opportunity presents itself.  Should be fun…

update

Hello Everyone!  Or should I say, the 6 people who read this blog?

I’m doing well.  This last week was an improv heavy week, which I needed badly.  I had been feeling rusty improv wise since I got back from my vacation.  I rehearsed and did a show the week I got back but then the next week I got sick, so I had only done one show in a month and I was feeling like I had lost all of my mojo.  Right before I left for vacation I was improvising at a very high level (for me).  Its always frustrating when you slip back a little.  Most of it is confidence.

But last week I got to perform Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  Wednesday’s super free show at The PIT went really well and I had a really nice callback that ended the show on a high note.  So that was cool.   Thursday Tomahawk (or part of us) performed to a very light house at The Parkside Lounge, but it was good practice.  Friday I went down to Philly for the Philadelphia Improv Festival with Sid Viscous!  That show went really well and then I closed out my 4 day run at Identity Bar with the Queen of Sharks competition, again with Sid Viscous!  And that set was also pretty good despite the fact that we were all tired and hungover from the night before in Philly.

However, we did not win the Queen of Sharks competition.  That is now 3 times Ive participated in that show and the group Im in has never won.  We always give a good set but whoever we are up against does a little better and wins.

Im still not smoking.  Wow.  Its amazing.  Im not even ever thinking about it except when I write for this blog.  Where am I now?  Around 140 days?  Something like that…im not even sure.  I think Ive quit for good.  My focus the last few weeks has been the vegetarian kick which has been working out nicely.

Im still trying to figure out some good dishes to make.  I think its the only way I can really maintain this.  If Im just cooking the same thing over and over again, its going to get tough.  Eating out is hard too.  You don’t realize until you make that jump that there really aren’t a lot of veggie options at most mainstream restaurants.  You’re limited to salads (and a lot of places all their salads have some sort of meat) and then like one option on the main course.

Right now the main thing Im working on is this 24 hour show that Im doing with Tomahawk.  We’re gonna perform improv for 24 hours straight the first weekend in November.  We’re doing it for City Harvest and inviting a bunch of other groups to play with us throughout the event.  Im trying to turn this into maybe a yearly thing and the last few nights Ive been submitting all the info to websites and magazines and such trying to get some publicity for the event.  Expect to see flyers and posters for it very soon.

Libraries

I recently got my Queens Library card and Ive been going to the one that is in my neighborhood.  Im trying to save money any way that I can and I love to read, so it makes sense to go to the library.  Although I returned some overdue books yesterday and owed $4.  They were only a week overdue, so fines have gone up I think.

I used to have a strict policy about always buying books.  I took great pride in having a large library.  Indeed, whenever I go to someone’s apartment, I find myself looking at their book collection to find out more about who they are.

But then it got out of hand.  It was either buy a whole new bookshelf or get rid of some of them.  So I went through all the books I had read that I didn’t see myself reading again and I gave them away to my friends.  This was a nice feeling.  The idea that we would both have common knowledge that we could one day talk about.

The last few years, however, I have not read as much as I used to.  Im trying to get back into the swing of things, therefore the trips to the library.

And it reminds me of when I was a kid.  In Nashville my Dad would take me to a Library that was in the middle of a public park.  We would go there for a few hours.  I would read some books and check some out.  They had a program where kids would sign up and write down all the books they would read in the summer and if you read a certain amount by the end of the summer, you got like free movie tickets or some other small prize.  We would go to the library for awhile and then my Dad would take me to the park, where I would play on the seesaw and jungle gyms for awhile.  Then, to end the day we would go to the ice cream shop.  Wow, this must sound incredibly hookey and corney.  But here’s the thing.  I used to love those days.  And for my Dad, what a cheap way to entertain your kid.  I mean, the only money he would have to spend would be on the ice cream (and gas for the car I guess).

Im reminded of these memories now when I go to the Woodside Library in Queens.  One of the things that I really love about Queens is that its a family borough.  And the Library is such a great example of that.  I go in there and see all these kids and parents (from every background you can imagine).  There are people there who are trying to learn English and maybe don’t have a lot of money, so they go to the library, where everything is free.  The people who work there are generally very nice and it all brings me back to the days when I went to the library as a kid.  They don’t always have every book you would want, but then you can place an order for it and within a week its there.  And you end up finding books that you wouldn’t normally read.  And you can check them out because it doesn’t cost you anything (unless you are late returning them).

But then I get sad.  Why?  Well, I think about how much we are losing these sorts of things in our society.  The other day I heard someone lament that several Barnes and Nobles were closing and they were now buying their books on Amazon.  The thought of the library didn’t even cross their mind.  I guess people are too busy to go to the library, but that makes me sad also.  It seems more and more we are losing this stuff all around us and no one really seems to notice or care.  Everyone is so eager to embrace all the new technologies without asking what we are replacing when we embrace these things.

Im not some old fogey who is against all technology.  Hello, Im writing on a blog!  But more and more I find myself wanting to simplify my life.  And what is so ironic to me is that all of this technology…the internet, iphones, facebook, the kindles…its all supposed to make our lives easier and more convenient but all it ends up doing is speeding everything up and isolating ourselves from each other.

Maybe Im being dramatic with all this and god knows Im the king of self isolation, but Im ready to turn that around.  Going to the library is a small step.  A simple step.  But I think its an important one.  And it brings me back to a special time in my life when things were simpler.  I miss those times.  I want to reclaim them.

Why I can't seem to finish a writing project

The first year I moved to NYC after college, I told myself that I didn’t want to be an actor for awhile.  I thought that I needed to live and experience life for awhile before I could actually be good.  So instead I called myself a writer.  Looking back on that logic, Im not quite sure why I thought I didn’t need life experience to be a writer, but then again, I was a moron when I was 23 years old. 

Now Im almost 32 and Ive acted (or I should say improvised) in hundreds of shows.  The last 5 plus years I have probably appeared on stage at least 200 times.  This is awesome.  Its something to be proud of and its made me a better performer for sure. 

But now I find myself at a weird crossroads.  I didn’t feel this way earlier in the year or last year.  But Im feeling stuck.  Like Ive just been going to work, going to rehearsals, doing my shows, and living life.  But that I haven’t really accomplished anything new.  I quite smoking, of course, and when I decided to do that I told myself that if that was all I accomplish this year, that would be fine.  But its not.  Self improvement is great and I truly believe that its laying down the foundation for bigger and better things.  But I need to take an active step towards finishing some writing projects.

I want to write a screenplay.  Actually, I want to write like 10 screenplays.  At this point in my artistic journey, I can’t just hold out with the hope that someday some casting agent is going to walk into one of my shows, see me, and cast me in something that will catapult my career.  And with my current job situation, going out on auditions is something that I can’t really do all that much.  I can from time to time and I need to, but its not like it was after I quit Blue Man and went to at least one every day for 6 months.  And even that can be a crap shoot.

No, I need to take this skill of improv and this knowledge of comedy and apply it to a script of some sort.  A screenplay (or 10) or a sitcom show or web series or something. 

But I can never seem to just sit down and do it.  I know.  Writing is hard.  Believe me I know this.  people say you are writing when you improvise and that is true, but its totally different.  You’re on stage, you have partners you are performing with and getting ideas from.  There is a structure (usually) to the show that lends itself to a story of some sort. 

But writing its just yours.  And I have to own up to the fact that the reason I don’t do it is because Im scared to death that I’ll suck at it.  Suck at an improv scene or show and you can blame the small and combative audience, the shitty suggestion, your teammates or you can even blame yourself but shake it off to a bad night.  And its improv.  Its in the moment.  Its not always going to be good.  Art is messy like that.

But with writing, in theory you have all the time in the world and you can go back and correct it.  So if you spend all that time working on a script and it doesn’t get picked up by anyone, well, that is a much stronger rejection.  Go to an audition and you don’t get the part.  Hey, you weren’t the type they wanted or they all ready had someone in mind.  But write a script and no one wants to produce it, well that is a rejection of your soul.  Scary stuff.

Im also very afraid to be completely honest in my writing.  I have done some shady things in my life.  Things that I am not at all proud of.  I don’t think I need to write some sort of confessional or anything, but I do know that these things are also very powerful events that happened in my life and you can really only write about what you know.  But do I want to share these things with the world?  Even if I disguise them behind a very different character or situation, will people be able to see through that and then think “James did that?  What an a-hole!”

So I don’t write anything.  But it has to stop.  Or rather.  It has to start.  A serious career in comedy HAS to include writing.  All comedians write their own material to some degree.  Im sure there are a few examples of comedy movie actors who are not also writers, but they are few and far between. 

So hop to it.